Welcome to Ask AfterEllen — all of our guidance line in which the Sapphic sages at AE answer your (non-medical) questions. Had gotten a concern for the lesbian experts? Email askafterellen@afterellen.com.

How will you determine if that gender-nonconforming workmate you’ll love to end up being friends with is a lesbian like you, while steering clear of the awkwardness of asking? Think about that hot librarian you retain bumping into while studying? Are you presently ever going to build up the neurological to address the lady for a chat? Won’t it be easier any time you could measure the chance she actually is into women first?

I will feel the wrath currently: “You can’t tell if a woman is lesbian or bisexual!” or “that is judgemental!” or “What you need to perform is actually ask their…” or “Shoot your chance in any event!” and you are half-right.

Lesbian and bisexual females have actually
a brief history of establishing indicators
to locate both. It is not judgemental to consider eco-friendly flags. Homophobia – which still is out there these days – means that it isn’t really usually secure to approach somebody about getting contemplating the same-sex.

Many folks internalize homophobia. We can unconsciously look at

ourselves

as inferior to be into women. We may n’t have the self-confidence to straight up ask a woman if she actually is into ladies either, even though its commercially “secure” to take action.

Up to you cannot know a female’s into ladies without her letting you know, you also can’t know who’s homophobic until it’s too-late. Many of the worst homophobia i have skilled was from city-dwelling “queer”-identified 20-somethings with bluish tresses.

Therefore plan these indications to your gaydar!

Whom she follows/what she posts on social networking.

You’ll find factors to consider regarding this one. Firstly, if her profile is exclusive, ask yourself if it’s strange or embarrassing to add this lady. Otherwise, this option’s quite simple. If she is soon after a tonne of celesbians or lesbian record profiles then it’s rather obvious she’s into females. If she actually is uploading a pride march she decided to go to, exactly why are you even scanning this? Fall when it comes to those DMs! Yeah she might be a straight ally, but that also indicates she

must not

end up being homophobic closer for drawing near to anyhow.


Small nails

I am aware a lot of think this is exactly obsolete. I am able to notice some people saying “but femmes!” and certain, some femmes have traditionally fingernails. But it’s an undeniable fact that many lesbians keep their unique fingernails short. It is not

merely

as a result of what we perform during intercourse, either, but because lesbians should alert their particular lesbianism! They wish to date or connect and, because it can be difficult to find another lesbian in the wild – not every one of us live in LA – we can not exposure any individual mistaking our very own extended nails to be directly.

Becoming less conforming to gender

objectives

This 1’s specific to lesbians. We aren’t wanting to entice men so we’re often less conforming as to what

they

get a hold of hot. Yes, we don’t reach opt out from the male look. The adult fetishisation of lesbians is evidence it impacts us in numerous and/or extra means. But lesbians commonly a lot more aggressive, outfit much more conveniently, and become even more blunt because, as a whole, women never anticipate the exact same adherence to femininity and discover you attractive.

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  • Favorite films, television shows, and music

    • This is a safe method to assess the chance a lady is actually lesbian or bisexual. If she states “

    The L Keyword,”

    or

    “Ammonite,”

    or

    “Tegan and Sara,”

    this may be’s most likely she is a lesbian or bisexual. She’s obviously available about discussing homosexuality and might even be keen to hangout if you display the same interests. In which you ask in addition, it does matter: if she actually is of working or jogging or on another mission next maybe search for the greater number of simple signs.

    Signs

    Here is in which our record and society takes on an important role. Analysis the indications. I’ve heard Gen Z sapphics find one another through mushroom earrings. A labrys signal on her clothes or accessories is virtually definitely a lesbian, or an unknowing straight lady just who decided to go to an op shop near a lesbian commune and failed to know any better. The
    signal alone might be an indicator she’s a feminist. But two
    overlapping traditionally suggests lesbianism.

    The need getting “proof” that a female’s into ladies before shooting your chance is normal. But these signs aren’t guaranteed. As someone who’s “come-out crush” was a gender non-conforming directly work associate with brief spiky gothic locks and rainbow stars tattood right up her arm, utilize the symptoms with care.

    If everything, concentrate on vibes. These are generally a whole lot more for this necessary gut instinct compared to trivial, instance “does the simple fact she use Birkenstocks and has now 7 kitties make their a lesbian?”

    Got a concern for lesbian professionals? E-mail askafterellen@afterellen.com.


    This line isn’t a replacement for psychiatric or medical health advice. AfterEllen employees are article authors, perhaps not therapists

    .